Diets. The current ones promising fast results and the tried and true that are more sustainable. Crafts. The ones my sister loves like cross stitch and dot painting, and the ambitious wedding scrapbook started circa 2001. Meal planning. All the ideas for healthy lunch options and menus for busy weeknight family dinners. Relationships. Coffee dates promised a year ago and even broken marriages. And blog posts. Lines typed out, set aside, to be published later. I am the world’s best starter. Maybe false starter, that is.

Why is a strong start, or even a confident second step, so elusive? It’s not for lack of motivation, for I can see the beach body, masterpiece, home-cooked filled bellies, fairy tale, viral post in full color in my mind’s eye. It’s not for lack of preparation as evidenced by a produce-filled refrigerator, an overflowing craft cupboard, detailed shopping lists and an array of bpa-free food packing containers, wedded parents demonstrating more than sixty years of happiness and compromise, and a folder full of first drafts. It’s not for lack of resources, knowledge, skills, or support for I am so lucky to say I’ve been blessed with my fair share of all of these things. Why is starting so darn hard?

Psalm 25:4 “Show me your ways Lord, teach me your paths”

I will not lie. This first blog post is years in the making. And probably the fifteenth fresh start, or false start, but I lost count many versions ago. It is so not the poetic and poignant prose I had hoped for, and I’m not even sure it’s ready to be published. But frankly, I have been nudged one too many times in the past months to not just start. To stop ruminating and start praying on it. To stop holding it hostage to some idea I have of what looks right and start letting God do with it what He will. To stop making it about my plan, and start following His path. To surrender my many well intended false starts to His perfect truth.

So it is with a heart full of hope that I share this first post with you. With eyes clear looking for the beauty that God hopes to share with us. With humble hands praying that I can loosen the grip on my pen and plans and hand them to God to create the most creative and brilliant stories for our lives that we could never even imagine. With a surrendered self that is hoping to step aside and let God walk before me, beside me, and behind me, showing the way to a start. A true start.